She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
