I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
