bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
