So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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