so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
