Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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