Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
