I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
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