no, he came in my armpit
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
