Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
