it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
