it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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