Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Farmville is her only friend.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
