Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
