just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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