Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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