he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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