i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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