sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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