it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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