Tell her she can't have a vagina
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
