I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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