I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
