im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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