haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
