ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
