How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
