fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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