just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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