I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
