i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Found the puke drawer
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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