saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
