nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
