READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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