eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
