...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
