i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
