Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
