I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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