She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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