Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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