so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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