Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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