Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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