First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
