All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
