I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
