Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my being single is dangerous.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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