I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my shit smells like andre
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
