I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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