Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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